Sunday, 17 January 2010

Recalling a youthful misdemeanour...

A picture on my pal Eric's blog has prompted me to recall long suppressed memories of an incident in my youth.

I'm thinking that ten years is enough time for human Granny to overcome her sense of humour failure, and so she won't get too upset if I tell you all about it. (I do love human Granny, so I'd hate to upset her). Sadly, no photos of the incident exist, so I shall have to paint the picture in words. 

First some background. 

I was a mere four years old then, I'd only been with Gail for three months, and it was my first ever Christmas trip down to Nottingham. Unsettled by all the changes, I hadn't been eating well. 

Oh, and I think that to appreciate the story, you must know that human Granny has some very traditional ideas, especially when it comes to having people round for meals. 

On Boxing day, she announces that she's invited the new next-door neighbours for afternoon tea. (Yes really, American readers, proper afternoon tea!). Very respectable neighbours these, one Dr Banjee and family - wife, two young children  and mother-in-law. That's  DOCTOR Banjee, a real doctor that can cure sick people, not a pretend one like Gail....

Human Granny makes some scones. Very proud of them she is too, explaining to Gail that she'd followed Delia's recipe to the last word, and they were the best scones she's baked for, well, ages. 

It is decided that it will be a sit-down-at-the-table tea. Preparations start early afternoon. Raspberry jam and cream are spread on the scones, and they are placed on a fancy plate. A lace tablecloth is laid on the dining table.
Not just any old lace tablecloth, but the precious Nottingham lace tablecloth given to human Grandparents in 1956  as a wedding present from their friends whose family owned a lace factory.  Human Granny puts the plate of scones on the table and goes away to get smartened up.

Gail and human Grandad are relaxing in the sitting room. Gail is absorbed in a book. She does vaguely register the fact that she can hear me eating and thinks, 'oh good, finally he's feeling better'.  Then after a bit, she thinks, hmmm, that is a very loud eating sound, if Hamish were in the kitchen , where his food bowl is kept, I would not be able to hear him so clearly....

Suddenly, she leaps to her feet and bursts into the dining room! 

What does she see? Well there I am stood on the table, a scene of destruction all around. The few remaining scones are scattered about the room in small pieces, and my face is smeared with what jam and cream have not been trodden into the Nottingham lace tablecloth. 

My head is tilted to one side in my best 'oh but did I do something wrong' look. Gail's face is strangely contorted into an expression that I suspect was the result of trying simultaneously to convey anger and suppress laughter. 

Well I can assure you that human Granny was cross! 

I only wish I could have told her that they were indeed very delicious scones...


Angus said...

How could anyone be cross? Anyway, legally I think any judge would find you innocent on the grounds that scones on an easily accessible table amounts to cruel and unusual punishment.

Martha and Bailey said...

Hi Hamish,
We had seen your comment on Eric's blog and were hoping that you would confess all!
That was a very funny picture you painted - we had no need for camera pictures at all.
We are so glad that you enjoyed the scones - although sometimes the cream can make them a little rich for us doggies.
We are sure that even if human granny did not find that funny at the time - and we suspect she didn't - that she looks back and laughs.
We believe that in order for Gail to become your human for life she must have had a good sense of humour already in place!
We were interested to know what Granny gave the 'real' doctor for his afternoon tea?
Did she have a wee tin of shortbread lurking in the cupboard as all grannies seem to?
We are also hoping that you did not catch your little claws in the good lace table cloth - it would have been too bad if you had hurt yourself!
Thanks for the Sunday laugh.
Martha, Bailey & Mum xxxxx

Mango said...

Oh you little rascal. Too bad no photos. Bet your granny never forgot that one.


Hoover said...

Ah Hamish, I always knew you were my kind of doggie.

Hoover BPD

Stella said...

Oh, Hamish, what a perfectly wonderful story! No pictures needed, you told it very well. The thought of a cute little white dog with jam and cream and scone crumbs all over his face is just too rare.

I'm sure Granny scolded you, but these things are usually forgiven fairly soon.

Still laughing,

Your Stella

Mack and Sally Ann said...

Your Granny loves you very much, and I am sure she has forgiven you. You are a good boy.
Sally Ann

Jazzi said...

NO pictures are needed with this story, You are my kind of "Hero"!!

I have had my food issues with Kim's taco and a grilled cheese here and there but nothing like yours. DId you granny get over being mad and what did Gail say when you got home??

I am sure they will never let you live this down, thats the way humans are sometimes, lol

Yah too bad, that you couldnt tell Granny how good they were!!


houndstooth said...

Sometimes you just have to seize the day!

Benny and Lily said...

Oh Hamish what a story. Did you get a bit of tea with those scones? BOL
Happy Sunday
Benny & Lily

Asta said...

The pictoowe you painted wif youw wowds was so vivid that I could see it all..the jam, the cweam, the cwumbs mooshed into the lace and youw questioning, innocent satisfied face. I'm suwe youw hooman Gwanny can augh about it now and I bet they wewe the most scwumptious scones evew!
smoochie kisses

Eric said...

Boy oh boy Hamish. I do love a pal who's a food theif like me. That was a magnificent wagger of a tale!! Thank you for yapping it so well. No need for photo's, saw it all in my noddle. You made me laugh my square head off even if Granny didn't. I bet those scones were WELL worth it, Delia is a cracking cook isn't she?

What I want to know is was the doctor told? Hope he didn't go hungry. Xpect Granny and Gail rustled up some cucumber sandwiches with the crust cut off instead. With Fondant fancies and Battenburg cake to follow!!Teehee!!

Wiry wags Eric xx

Petey said...

Ahh Hamish, with such a wonderful tale, it's truly a wonder that you survived to such a ripe old age! While I've limited my food stealing to a pain au chocolat and a brownie -- oh! and that caught-in-the-act truffle -- I have heard tales of a neighbor's white German Shepherd (back when Mom was a kid herself) who jumped up on the kitchen counter and ate the marinading steaks for the big neighborhood barbeque.

How long did it take Gail to get the raspberry jam out of your white beard?

Your pal,


Sam said...

Good scones are really hard to resist!


MAX said...

Hey there Hamish lad!
hahahaha! A very amusing story indeed!!!
From now on I will be calling you:
You certainly made mom's mouth water and me...drool!
Lotsalicks - I think she's off to bake some scones!?!

Rocky Creek Scotties and Java said...

That was some trick. We know they were good.

Lilly, Piper, Carrleigh and Java

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Great story! We totally can imagine you as the (not so)Artful Dodger! Ahhh scones done right are luscious!! We terriers seem to have an overwhelming desire to taste test all the people food. I think they should be thankful that we let them know if it's suitable to serve or if it's poison! Did the Doc even get to taste one??

What she forgot to tell you is that we feasted on marzipan stollen this morning when mommy was at a women's club meeting. BabyRD got it off the kitchen counter and we both shared.Yum. Mommy was upset with us 'cuz it was to be mailed to our friend Ilse in Montana.Oh well. hehe.
WelshieHugs, Hootie

ScrapsofMe said...

Oh Hamish! That was a wonderful adventure! Don't you wish you had a picture of Gram's face? Talk about priceless!!! teehee...I can't stop laffin! I think Gail should make you a skooon (did I say that right?) today for tea! With lots of jam and cream.

I don't know if you keep up with Harry the West Higland terrier over there across the big pee, but here is a funny tale you might enjoy:

sniffies...snif snif, where's the scones?


ScrapsofMe said...

Well, that link did not can to to Scottish Terrier and Dog News blog site and it has a link to the full story.

There is an excerpt on that site about Harry Cheats the Grim Reaper...but the full story is even funnier.

Bonnie - the resident luddite

The Scottie Chronicles said...

OOOOoooooooh! Hamish, I would have done the same thing. So there. 'Nuff said. Roo Roo, Stuart

Bella the Westie said...

Hamish, that was so funny, how could anyone be angry with you ?
I have a simple rule in my house : any food which is at my reach is mine, so my family knows that if they want to keep something for them, it has to be high enough, like on a dining room table.
Love, Bella

Ludo van Doggy said...

oh Hamish! That had me BOL! I hope your Granny has forgiven you now. That reminds me of the story I heard about auntie Penny and the Crisp mas tree. hehe!
~lickies, Ludo

TwoSpecialWires said...

You started young, didn'tcha, Hamish? And old habits are hard to break ... like tiltin' the head to the side to try and tell the two-leggededs somethin'. No wonder you are such a wise (old) hoot now.

We love ya
Jake and Fergi xxoo

Jan's Funny Farm said...

What a hilarious tale. We can just picture the scene. What a feast.

This is one of those memories you will always cherish of Hammish! He must have made you laugh a lot. Warm purrs and tail wags.

Jake of Florida said...

Ah, Gail, we missed this the first time around -- but followed Eric's suggestion to come check it out.

The word picture tells it all. We can see the horror on Granny's face and Hamish's tilted head.J akey does the same tilt of the head when he's trying to understand what we want of him.

We can also imagine the light dawning in your head when you realized the sound of chewing was not what it was supposed to be.

Bet those scones were delish!!

Wirey love,

Joan and the Boyz