Weighty issues

I think the German class ladies were making fun of me on Tuesday night. Rubbing my tummy and saying something about an "Abmagerungskur". Which I understand is a long (aren't they all?) German word for a diet.

You know, it's winter and my fur is growing thick and fast. "Not fat just fluffy" remember - 15 October 2008 post. Gail is muttering something. Oh. Apparently she doesn't believe that I've grown a kilogram's worth of fur since early December. I hate it when Gail comes over all logical and pedantic. There are distinct drawbacks to having a scientist in the house. Two actually, counting Naomi. I can't believe I've put on a kilo.

Although, come to think of it, when we went out for a walk in the pouring rain this afternoon, my coat did feel a little tight around the middle......

Sunday walk

OK so we're getting really fancy now with this blog. The map above shows where Gail and I went exploring this afternoon. Somewhere new, along Cowie Water, just a couple of miles inland from Stonehaven, and it turned out to be the nicest possible walk. Let me tell you about some of the highlights (numbers as marked on the map).

1. A really good boggy stretch near the start. Gail skirted around the edge but I galloped straight through the best bit. Unlike owners of Chelsea tractors, we have no need for spray on mud round here.

2. At the bottom of the valley, in the woods, down by the stream, sheltered from the strong wind, the path covered in rotting leaves - so nice and soft on the paws. We walked besides clear water tumbling fast over rocks, with plenty of easy access points for a paddle and a refreshing drink.

3. Up a bit and a lovely view over the gentle Mearns landscape. All rusty browns and greens, the colours subdued in the northern winter half-light. The dark mass of Fetteresso Forest glowered in the distance.

4. An unexpected encounter with some pigs. One was pale, the other two nearly black, all three had surprisingly furry coats, like aspiring Highland 'coos'. A bit it stupid though, pigs, they all came running up to the fence and seemed to think I'd be able to understand the ugly honking sounds they made. I just stood there and humoured them.

5. Well OK this bit didn't count as a highlight for me. But Gail seems to think it a good thing if she gets to dunk me in some freezing cold stream at the end of a walk and wash the muck off my underside before I'm put back in the car.

P.S. In my opinion it's a shame I'm never allowed back home all muddy. My street cred round Devanha Gardens would surely go up a notch or two if people could see that I'm not a 'townie' all the time!

Advice for soft southerners

I've just been peeking at the weather map. For once, the English bit is all covered in blue whereas here on the east coast of Scotland we have a positively balmy 4 degrees Centigrade.

So it occurs to me that readers down south might welcome a bit of advice on dealing with the ice and snow. Here goes:

1. Be a Westie. We have inbuilt thick fur coats and compact bodies that retain the heat well. Just make sure your owner doesn't drag you off for an unseasonal trim (or worse, a bath). But biting the hairdresser, as I did once, is a tactic to be used sparingly.
2. Four shortish, widely set legs are a great aid to balancing on slippery surfaces, although I admit that slightly longer limbs would be an advantage in deeper snow falls. If you have a mere two legs, then live in an area where the streets and pavements are gritted regularly. (In this household we suspect there is a black hole which swallows up all the council gritting lorries when they try to enter Ferryhill).
3. Wear a proper overcoat. I have a nice distinctive red one, which is both flattering to my colouring and stands out well against a background of snow and ice.
4. Cultivate the art of shivering. And looking pathetic. It is a very effective way of ensuring that the central heating is turned up a notch or two.
5. Don't be afraid to refuse to go outside. Even the most enthusiastic walker will recognise that there are limits. If the weather's really too foul, I find that I can make the point quite clearly by trotting down the garden steps to the street, then at once performing an emphatic about turn, running back up to the front door and not budging until I am let back into the house.
6. Finally, do embrace the opportunity for a good roll in the snow. Yes, you humans too. So therapeutic!

A resolution

Prompted by my owner Gail, I've been thinking carefully about a New Year Resolution.

It is just possible that over the course of 2008 there were some trees in Duthie Park that I failed to sniff, and some lampposts in the neighbourhood of Ferryhill against which I never lifted a rear leg. 

Yes this really was most negligent of me, and my resolution for 2009 is to make sure that it doesn't happen again. By the end of the year, I vow that every single vertical post-shaped object within a 1 mile radius of this house will have received my close attentions. My territory will be carefully and diligently kept marked at all times.

Oh. Gail is giving me a 'look'. Apparently this isn't the sort of thing she had in mind at all. 

Well that's just too bad.

Peace and quiet

Boy am I pleased to be back in Aberdeen after the annual Christmas 'Grand Tour' of Gail's family and friends in England. 

It all seemed quite exciting at first, jumping into the Mini for the long drive south, me in the front seat of course, keeping an eye on Gail's driving. I quite like motorways too, nice and straight, much more relaxing than the sort of roller coaster route that is laughably classified as an 'A' road here in the north of Scotland.

But after a bit, I do tire of being taken to strange places and having to put up with restrictions on my movements. I think I shall start a campaign for more doors with Westie-sized dog flaps. So frustrating to have to bark and rely on the goodwill of others when you want to go out and explore the garden. 

Then there are other people's pets to put up with. I've already told you about Izzy the poodle (13th October post). En route back to Scotland we stayed with Steve and Drusilla in Cumbria. It used to be good there - big house and garden, freedom to roam,  no other pets, well-behaved children, lots of respectful admiration from Drusilla at least.  Imagine my horror then on discovering that a newcomer has moved in, Scooby, a very young, very bouncy (aren't they all) Jack Russell. I think we all know that no matter how big the house, there won't be enough space for two male terriers to happily co-exist. Let's just say we didn't get on. It didn't help that Scooby was garnering most of the attention. To be honest, I was relieved when Gail decided to put me in the car for the evening. A bit chilly, admittedly, but an old chap could at least enjoy some peace and quiet finally.

So, back in Aberdeen now. January the first. Gail wants to know if I have made any New Year resolutions. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that one.

Happy Christmas Readers!

The wanderer returns

Apparently San Francisco is a Westie-free zone. Quite why, then, Gail would want to spend nearly two weeks there is a mystery. But that's where she's been it seems.

She returned last night, equipped with a whole series of frankly lame excuses for not bearing gifts. For example:

"My bag's still stuck in Terminal 5"

"I went to the 'Best in Show' pet shop in Castro, but they'd sold out of George Bush doggie chews"

"All the dog coats were designed for chihuahaus"

"You can't bring meat in through customs"

But I know the truth. She spent all her money on food. For herself. As usual.

At least some people do buy me presents. That nice lady Diane at the German class sent a handy little towel, small enough to put in a pocket. So no excuses now Gail for not drying me off properly after we've been out walking in the rain. 

Which reminds me. Gail! Isn't it time for a walk in the park? Woof woof.......

A new regime

I was right. I knew it. Gail's gone away, and I've been left in the care of Naomi, the lodger.

Slowly, I'm licking her into shape. (Metaphorically, that is, not literally. Don't want readers to think I'm the sort of dog that slobbers all over people, I'm not). Naomi does seem to have some different ideas to Gail when it come to walks, bedtime, rights to sit on furniture etc. But it's OK, we rub along just fine. 

I think Gail's taken her new toy with her, that shiny little computer she calls 'McBook' or somesuch. I'm beginning to think she's more interested in that thing than me at the moment. Oh well, I guess she'll get over it. I'm confident I have more enduring appeal. 

And I'm sure Gail's missing me, I can feel it. 

Suitcases

Uh oh. Something's up. I can always tell.

Gail went in to the box room last night and dug out a suitcase. I know what that means. And I'm wise to her tricks. She tried to divert my attention by giving me supper early whilst she started sorting out clothes and stuff. As if I'm so stupid I won't realise that I'm about to be abandoned.

Perhaps if I rush around the house looking all anxious and pleading then she'll feel so bad she'll take me with her. Yes I'll try that first and save the incessant barking routine for later.

It's never much fun when Gail goes away. And of course, how do I know that she's coming back? And who will help me write this blog?

Guidelines for visitors

We have had a lot of visitors to 3 Devanha Gardens South this year. It occurs to me that, consistent with my undisputed position as master of the household, it is time to publish some guidelines as to how visitors are expected to behave.

• House guests are on no account to look disapproving when I am being given special food treats. In fact they are positively encouraged to make Gail feel bad about her absurd 'no feeding from the table' rule.


• Younger guests are reminded of the tail pulling ban, and are dissuaded in general from running around, making lots of noise and being disruptive.


• Visitors must recognise that dogs - especially elderly dogs - have different priorities when out walking. The importance of allowing time for identifying all detectable smells must be acknowledged. The 'route-march' approach to hiking is inappropriate. In winter visitors are recommended to bring warm clothes, to avoid frostbite whilst waiting for sniffing activities to be completed.


• Violations of personal space will not be tolerated. The sofa by the front window belongs to me. Gail is the only other person allowed to sit there. Visitors who disobey this rule will be growled at, unremittingly and without exception, until they move.


• Visitors are not encouraged to linger in the kitchen chatting, if all the food has been eaten. The tile floor is cold and I would prefer that everyone moves into the front room (provided of course that the aforementioned personal space rules are adhered to).


• When expressing admiration for my good looks, personality, temperament and general cuteness, restraint is not required, and feelings may be expressed by tummy tickling, stroking and adoring looks. This picture of recent visitors Jo and Jan illustrates an acceptable attitude.